Friday, March 4, 2011

America's Next Great Restaurant...MINE!

NBC has a new program, America's Next Great Restaurant, where "people from every walk of life will vie for the opportunity of a lifetime to see their original restaurant concept spring to life."

I'll admit, I don't have a burning desire to start a restaurant.  But I do like money.  So here are my ideas for a restaurant.

Say you're at the mall and you want a bite to eat.  The food court has a lot of ethnic foods - pizza, burritos, Chicken Teriyaki, egg rolls, sometimes souvlaki.  But what if you want some Polish food. Where do you go?

That's right, the Groggy Pierogi.  What king do you want?  Cheese?  Kraut?  Yeah, we got those...but we got so many others.  Look at what we stuff inside out dough!
  • Taco  pierogi
  • Philly Cheesesteak pierogi
  • Bacon Lettuce Tomato pierogi
  • General Tso's pierogi
  • Buffalo wing pierogi
  • Scottish haggis pierogi
  • Fried bologna and onions pierogi
  • Pulled pork pierogi (known as the Triple P)
  • Manicotti pierogi
The goal is to have as many different types as we can.   You name it, we'll stuff it and mass-produce them all over the country.  Did someone say Sloppy Joes pierogi?

The only obstacle is the name.  I wanted "Kooky Pierogi" or "Goofy Pierogi" or "Ka-Ka-Krazy Pierogi" but I went with a rhyming name.   We could do a lot of marketing with "Groggy" ("Our accountants are so sleepy, we're cutting our prices and they'll never know.") but we could use an amphibian whose face looks like a green spinach-flavored one...

Another thing is fusion.  Let's mix Polish dishes with another culture's food.  How about some Escargot and Kielbasa?

Now, the big thing with Jacques Careff is it sounds like "p-SHAH KREFF" (Polish: psia krew) which is a Polish swear word.  If you look it up online, a lot of posters say it is a meaningless "dog's blood."  But what if it's a feminine dog?  Does "bitch's blood" sound nastier?  Think of non-English people looking at our swear words.  Son-of-a-dog?  Harmless.  His talk is all manure from cattle.  Doesn't have the same impact.

While we're on the topic of wordplay, how about a Polish Sports bar?

Where else could we go with Polish fusion?  How about half-Polish, half-Brazilian?

Kiel-Bossa Nova?