Move over Oprah - Heeeere's Johnny

Oprah Winfrey just launched her "OWN" cable network.   It sounds like a great idea for somebody with a bigger-than-life ego to start a cable channel with full editorial and programming control.

Which brings me to this:

Yep, if she can do the OWN, I can rock the JWN.  My network, my shows, my thoughts, my fantasies.  24/7.

Now, we won't start this right away.  Oprah started on 1/1/11.  I'm looking at 1/2/12.  That gives me a whole year to clean out the garage and turn it into a TV studio.

The budget will be tight, but I came up with a great concept.  Instead of showing self-help broadcasting during the day and informercials late at night, I will put the two of them together.   Who says you can't discuss relationship issues while demonstrating the Magic Bullet?  Your husband won't tell you his true feelings?  How about we make some homemade salsa with him?   She's always jealous?  Here's a fresh smoothie...tell me more.

Other shows still in development:

• Let's Talk Infidelity with the Shark Vac and Steamer
• Balancing your Budget the Oxy Clean Way
• Bachelorette Shake Weight
• Sham Wow's Teen Moms
• Jack LaLanne's Power Juicing Paternity Tests
• Thighmaster Online Predator Boot Camp
• Amish Heat Surge Fireplace Nanny
• Time Life Golden Age of Country Collection Celebrity Rehab

That last one just doesn't roll off the tongue, does it?

Even with all the info money, I can see production costs rising and rising.  So here's another way to save a few bucks.  Oprah started a search competition for the "Next TV Star" for her network.  She had over 15,000 people enter, either be submitting a video or showing up in person at auditions.  The top ten are currently competing to get their show.  What about the others?

Every person who entered for Oprah's network will get a one-hour show on mine.  They will tape their show in their homes, with their own guests, and mail the tape to me.  I will broadcast it.  However, I will not tell people when their show will be on.  So I will have million of friends and families watching at the beginning of every hour to see if their Fred or Stella will be broadcast.  I bombard people with advertising before the show starts.  When they find out Fred's show isn't on, they got another 50 minutes to do housework before the next one starts.

Well, I have to work on a pilot for a cooking show - I'm going to sneak up to my neighbor's kitchen window and put my smart phone against it.